Your Happiness Factor

I love social media –  Twitter (you can follow me as @WWisewolf),   Linkedin , Facebook  etc.  Those I’ve tried, I love, most of the time! Of course, I’m aware of the dangers and, yes, I have come unstuck before.  There are a number of us using Twitter who were taken in by a fraudster claiming to do good works.  I learned the hard way not to take people at gravatar value. I know about the dangers of meeting up but by following the rules about first meetings in public, etc, I’ve met some smashing people and made some real friends. But today I had my first really negative experience.  I realised the power of the medium and felt quite intimidated by it. I received a series of what I considered to be fairly “spammy” messages from one particular network (not one of those named above).  I tried to unsubscribe from these particular messages but it wasn’t easy and for some reason it didn’t work.  In all honesty I don’t think the originator of the messages intended them to be anyth

S ome people plan their retirement many years ahead.  They have very definite views on what they are going to do and how they plan to live their lives.  They leave work, start to put their plans into action and away they go. For others it just isn’t as simple as that. Some people have made no plans at all beyond work. Quite often they are people who are not really choosing to go.  They may be going as a result of reductions in the workforce, or because partner and family have pressured them to go, or because it is financially advantageous to go.  But their heart isn’t really in it and they would much prefer to go on working. For others, well once they have left work,  life is just so very different to how they expected and they just don’t get round to putting their plans into action. But retirement presents you with lots of possibilities, even without a lot of money. I know someone who found it felt like being sixteen again with lots of choice but not in terms of care

   Some people welcome new experiences and new people.  They look forward to any opportunity to socialize. They're often the first to introduce themselves and the first to jump into a new conversation. For others, well, it takes us a little longer to warm up to something new!    Shy S ness is an emotion that affects how you feel and behave around others. You might feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, nervous, bashful, timid, or insecure.  Some people blush or feel speechless, shaky, or breathless.     People are more likely to feel shy when they're not sure how to act, what will happen, how others will react, or when for some reason all eyes are on them. People are less likely to feel shy in situations where they know what to expect, feel sure of what to do or say, or are among familiar people. . About 20% of people have a genetic tendency to be naturally shy. But not everyone with a genetic tendency to be shy develops a shy temperament. Life experiences also play a

   We all have negative thoughts sometimes.   These dark thoughts (known as automatic negative thoughts) just come into our heads and, most of the time, we can just throw them off. At other times they just overwhelm us.  This is so when we are depressed. But sadly these negative thoughts can actually make us depressed.  When we get into the habit of constantly chastising ourselves and telling ourselves we are no good and we are worthless, the feelings we have in response can send us spiralling down.   These thoughts seem to feed upon each other, so deeper and deeper we go!   Thoughts like these can send us spiralling down into depression. This concept is the guiding principle behind cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), a type of psychotherapy which was developed by Aaron T. Beck in the 1960s If we think something often enough, we begin to believe it's true!  Then our feelings start to match what we think about ourselves. How do we raise ourselves back up a

   Like many others I was brought up with dire warnings against the sin of hubris . Hubris means extreme pride to the point of arrogance True hubris usually indicates a loss of contact with reality and a substantial overestimation of your own abilities. I wrote here last week about the value of confidence in your own ability.  Hmm  - what is too much confidence and what risk does it carry? In fact,  research suggests that there can be benefits for an individual in overestimating their abilities. Research has found that a two-player team consisting of one overconfident and one more rational person outperforms a team consisting of two rational people. This is because overconfidence enhances effort levels – over confident people try harder. It seems that over-confidence probably accounts for the ultimate success of some serial entrepreneurs. There is  evidence that  the earlier failed ventures provide valuable resources for entrepreneurs’ future use.   Being highly co

Working with a coach is a simple but very effective form of self development – either professional or personal. The client and coach work together to promote a change and to help the client become who they want to be and to overcome obstacles to their success. Coaches work with individuals in their personal life and with executives, managers and others in their professional and business life.  I work with people in the round so I don’t draw a big black line round the personal to distinguish it from the professional, the two often overlap! But I do work with change and transition.  If you are not going through a change or want to make a change, then perhaps I'm not the right person to work with you. There are lots of other good coaches around. Many of us have plans about what we want to do, who we want to be and what we want to become.  A coach works with you to find out what is important and how to create the conditions that foster it. Coaching builds skills; both p