A Japanese painting from 1750 shows a young man catching his lover reading a love letter from a rival. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)What to do about jealousy!
Jealousy happens between two people
when one sees an actual or imagined threat to the relationship posed
by someone else.
Morbid jealousy – the worst kind
- occurs when one partner becomes obsessed with thoughts about the
other partner's unfaithfulness but their suspicions are not founded in
real fact. Basically, one partner is terrified of losing the other.
Even a conversation the partner has with someone else can be seen as
a threat.
One partner becomes desperate that they no longer have
exclusive rights to their partner – they feel that their “property”
rights are being infringed. Jealousy may be combined with other
emotions, for example, anxiety about loss of a loved one and fear of
shame or loss of dignity. Jealousy is often accompanied by anger.
Often distrust of
a partner comes from distrust of ourselves. How will we cope with
potential rivals when we are so inferior?
When we are morbidly jealous we may
seek constant reassurance from a partner. We may check for signs of
infidelity – reading their texts and checking their pockets. We
may try to control the partner's movements and restrict their
activities. We may make constant accusations. Of course the result
of all this is often that we drive away the person we claim to love
so much.
Morbid jealousy is an illness and if
you recognize the symptoms in yourself, seek support from a
coach or counselor. If you believe your partner is morbidly jealous
again seek support, the situation isn't likely simply to resolve
itself.
In mild jealousy you may feel a threat
exists to your relationship but you use this threat as a call to
action. You can discuss the issues with your partner and find
remedies together. You may recognize that they are attractive to
others but trust and respect that they will not act on that
attraction.
If they are unfaithful, you have
choice. You can stay in the relationship but make quite clear what you expect and how you will react if there is a relapse.
If you are rejected by a partner, you
do not have to reject yourself on the basis of their judgement. You
have a choice about future relationships because you know you are
worthy of love. If you work on maintaining your confidence and self
esteem the feelings that might lead to morbid jealousy will not be
transferred in a healthy new and rewarding relationship with someone
more worthy of you!
If you need the support of a coach in dealing with your feelings of jealousy and would like to work on your confidence and self esteem, please get in touch, My email address is below.
Wendy
Mason is a Life and Career Coach. She helps people have the confidence
they need to be successful at work and to change career while
maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason
@wisewolfcoaching.com
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