Your Happiness Factor

Building a relationship is a learning process.  I've been thinking about relationships and how they are all about learning. Building a relationship is a learning process.  You learn about yourself in the relationship and you learn about the other person. And most of that learning is done by listening. That means listening to the other person but also listening to yourself and your own heart, and your head reflecting your own values. And you must try to be very honest.  In any good relationship it is about being true to yourself, as well as being true to someone else. And it is not making promises you know in your heart, you may not keep, Promising things that in the moment feel ok. Even if you think you know yourself very well, you will change as you learn this other person, if the relationship lasts. You'll  be influenced by who they are, what they believe and how they behave. Learning who they are can be quite a challenge. What you learn, if you listen...

Relationships – when your friends don't like your partner! When your friends or relatives don't like the person you have chosen to with, what do you do? Well, first of all, you are not alone! Many of us have been through the same experience. And many of us we have found ourselves not liking the partners that our friends have chosen. So what can you do? Most important, you need to know why! Don't just respond by dismissing your friends' concerns. Try to find out what it is about your partner that bothers them. Are they feeling left out and neglected? Are they afraid that your relationship with your partner will have a big effect on your relationship you have with them? Are they feeling feeling confused and neglected, because you are making much less time for them. If they are alone, or in an unhappy relationship, is your happiness with your partner painful for them to bear. You won't know until you talk to them. But you do nee...

Photo credit: Fikra There isn't a marriage or a personal partnership relationship that doesn't hit rough water sometimes.   Any one who has been in a long relationship knows that sometimes you can find it hard going. But relationships that have been good  are usually worth fighting for.  Of course, at the end of the day, only you can decide whether you want to put the effort in and fight for something that has been valuable to you.  The third edition of the what has become a classic on marriage enhancement and divorce prevention,"Fighting for Your Marriage",  features the latest research and changes in culture in our society.  New and revised,  Fighting for Your Marriage ,  is based on the widely acclaimed PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program) approach. Groundbreaking studies have found that couples can use the strategies of this approach to handle conflict more constructively, protect their happiness, and reduce the...

(Photo credit: kalavinka ) Relationships – Who vacuums in your house? Isn’t it odd?  Most studies find, that although the number of working women continue to rise, it is still women who carry out most of the domestic chores. Now vacuuming, more than most other task, seems to cause most heat and not in a particularly nice way. Yes, men do vacuum but they seem to expect women to be grateful that they do! When you think about it, isn’t that a bit strange?  Yes, if both parties go out to work, it is great that they share tasks.  But why should one partner be more grateful than the other? In the kind of coaching I do (cognitive behavioural coaching) we have a concept of distorted thinking.  One of the most common distortions is around a core belief about “ Should, Musts, Have to's and Oughts”. We grow up with beliefs about other people and how they should behave. When they don’t, we get angry – this could be passive- aggressive anger or outright violence. ...

Be honest, be yourself.  Nothing erodes confidence more than trying to maintain a  facade! It is exhausting and might cost you the relationship when ( not if ) you get caught out! Play it straight.   Talk to each other and don't play games.  Speak up if something is bothering one of you - be kind and listen to each other.  Have confidence.  If you can believe in yourself you have much more chance of having a strong and confident relationship. If you are not confident then seek help - Confidence Coach at this link can help you . Together, layout the ground rules at the start. It is good to agree at the beginning how much time you plan to spend together and how you will make time to be with other friends and family.  Then stick to the agreement - no one should come back with recriminations.    Be gentle and affectionate. This is about being physically at ease with each other - no, I'm not talking about sex.  You should be...