Your Happiness Factor

Be honest, be yourself.  Nothing erodes confidence more than trying to maintain a  facade! It is exhausting and might cost you the relationship when ( not if ) you get caught out! Play it straight.   Talk to each other and don't play games.  Speak up if something is bothering one of you - be kind and listen to each other.  Have confidence.  If you can believe in yourself you have much more chance of having a strong and confident relationship. If you are not confident then seek help - Confidence Coach at this link can help you . Together, layout the ground rules at the start. It is good to agree at the beginning how much time you plan to spend together and how you will make time to be with other friends and family.  Then stick to the agreement - no one should come back with recriminations.    Be gentle and affectionate. This is about being physically at ease with each other - no, I'm not talking about sex.  You should be able to touch each other easily and without f

Image by Getty Images via @daylife If you are looking for work, one of the biggest obstacles can be your lack of confidence. A large part of confidence comes from what we believe about ourselves. And if you already lack confidence, losing a job can be shattering.  You can find a very honest discussion of how it can feel at this link . If, in your heart, you really don’t believe that you have the skills, knowledge and experience to do the job then it is going to be hard for you to convince an employer. But are you sure your fears are well founded? As well as that, you need to believe that you will have the communication and presentation skills necessary to get through an interview. Well, I can help you there.  So what do you do? Believing in your gifts At this link you will find some information about writing STAR stories. The STAR method means that for each signifcant achievement in your working life you set out the; ·          S  – Situation, the backg

Eye contact (Photo credit: Gabriela Sellart ) To be happy, we need to feel recognized and acknowledged by others. This helps us to feel part of a group and we all need that for our well-being.  If we feel unrecognized and excluded, we can feel miserable and we can go on to feel stressed. But the recognition and acknowledgement we need can be as simple as a smile or even as little as eye contact alone. The journal of the Association of Psychological Science , Psychological Science , has published a study that demonstrates how important a very simple acknowledgement can be. Eric.D.Wesselmann of Purdue University carried out a study with colleagues at the University. The study tested the effect of very simple eye contact between a research assistant and people on a well-used path on the campus. The research assistant didn't even need to smile to have a notable effect.  Those with whom the assistant made eye contact were questioned afterwards and commented that

Image via Wikipedia Body language has a major part to play in how we communicate with others. People form a very quick first impression of us based on appearance and body language - the way we walk, smile, sit and stand. When we communicate,  this body language plays a major role – greater than the words we use or the tone of voice that we adopt. Once we understand the role that body language plays we can learn to shape the way that others see us.  Body language can help us project a confident image.  Being aware of our body language and knowing that we are projecting a confident image help us to feel more confident!  This supports us in dealing with others as our confidence grows. An understanding of body language allows us to communicate more effectively.  This is because with the right body language we can reinforce the message we wish to convey.   But also it helps us to understand much better the real meaning and emotions of people - those wit

Image via Wikipedia Confidence is learned!  From the day we are born our family, friends and the environment contribute to the development of our confidence.  But they can also contribute to our lack of confidence.  Day by day throughout our lives, we receive a barrage of messages.  This can encourage or erode our ability to develop confidence. Most parents want only the very best for their children. But if they, themselves, do not have the right skills how could they know how to encourage confidence in their child. If our parents lack confidence, we may become shy and lacking in confidence.  If parents are cold and distant we may grow up lacking confidence.  Or perhaps they found it difficult to praise or they were constantly criticizing that in turn can lead us to have a poor self image. With brothers and sisters, other family members and teachers, if we feel or are treated as different, or we find it difficult to fit in, lack of confidence may result.

For lots of us, Christmas is one the most stressful times in the year.  So here are some tips to lighten the load a little and to help you have at less troubled Christmas! Be realistic – Christmas represents a couple of days in 365.  Don’t expect everything to change just for this.  If you have friends and family that don’t get on well for most the year, then don’t expect Christmas to be different.  Things can go wrong any day – please don’t take it to heart!  If your Christmas is less than perfect you have not failed and you should not feel guilty.  You are having a Christmas just like the rest of us! Write a timetable - If you are responsible for managing the day or for cooking then write a time table – for example, 10 am – put turkey in oven.  Try to keep both the day and the cooking simple, if you can, and delegate some of the tasks.  If you have a family party, can you have a buffet lunch and ask people to bring a platter? Avoid touchy triggers - If you are u

  Sometimes, even in the best relationship, there comes a time when we want to say something critical.   Not everything can be perfect every time!   Sometimes things go wrong.   And sometimes, in your view, it is down to the other person.   You think it is something they can do something about.   So you want to tell them.   Here are some pointers to giving criticism but proceed with care. And remember, how you sound,  look and behave when you give the feedback often matters as much weight as the words you use.  But the words are important.   Here are the tips. Be sure of the facts !  Try to find out exactly what went wrong and why.  Be constructive! It should be about getting things right in the future not about trying to punish.  Be direct!   Get to the point and give the feedback in a simple, straight forward way. Be clear! Set out what you are criticizing, the change you want to see and why.  Comment on behaviour not the person. If you want to change the pe